I have a metal change jar where I save my change, and every couple of months when the jar is full, I jaunt down to the local Post Office and marvel at my newfound fortune. It’s not exactly free money, but it feels like free money, and the lunch I purchase with it tastes all the sweeter.Well, you can call me petty, but finding out that someone in America just exchanged their collection of 301 pennies for 10.7 million dollars has officially ruined that ritual for me. I loathe my change jar now.

I glare at it whenever I walk in as if to say “oh, it’s you.” I resent its laziness and wonder aloud to people whether it’s even worth the trip to cash in. “What can you buy with twelve pounds in today’s economy anyway?” I ask, glancing down at the jar. Sometimes when I’m drunk I scream at it to “get a job” and knock it to the ground, scattering near-worthless pennies everywhere.

Admittedly, the guy’s penny collection included one that was only minted for two weeks in 1793 because Congress thought Lady Liberty looked frightened, but does that really warrant the exchange of millions? What service has been rendered here?

The only thing that makes it okay is that the guy was the owner of an aerospace-part manufacturing company. That it means he was probably already rich, so the ten million will be just as worthless to him as my shiftless, scheming change jar is to me.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be scrupulously examining my change trying to find a picture of The Queen looking pensive.